Katharine Ashe – Learning How To Love

Hi friends!

Welcome to Read-A-Romance Month 2016!

If you’re a new visitor to RARM, I hope you’ll come back every day in August to read all the wonderful pro-romance posts this year. Check out the full calendar here. You can also find links to the last three years’ posts from the boxes in the sidebar, and if you’d like, you can follow RARM on Facebook. Enjoy August!


An About-Face Conversion

Bless me, friends, for I have sinned.cover - Ashe, THE SCOUNDREL & I

For, until recently, I did not believe that opposites could attract.

Perhaps second only to the Cinderella trope, enemies-to-lovers is a foundational pier of the romance genre. Yet for three decades, when I watched or read a romance in which two vastly different people quarrel their way to True Love, I didn’t buy it. I laughed, I enjoyed, but I rarely believed the happily-ever-after would last long. Even one of the most famous plays in the English language—Much Ado About Nothing—didn’t move me.

Let me note here that I am not conflict-averse. This wasn’t about avoiding strife. The notion of individuals who are profoundly incompatible somehow magically becoming compatible simply rubbed me wrong. I love sexy sparks. I adore snappy banter. But even more far fetched to me than cinder-girl-landing-rich-prince was the long-term potential of a couple whose relationship was based principally on banter and sex. It seemed specious, Writing 101 trickery: argue, argue, sex, argue, more sex, argue, even more sex, argue, OH HAPPY RECONCILIATION.

Effective entertainment? Yes. Honest storytelling? No. You see, enemies-to-lovers stories weren’t happy fantasy to me. They were actually a little heartbreaking. If opposites really attract, then why is there so much war in the world?

And then I wrote an enemies-to-lovers romance.

Writing, for me, is a very different process than reading or watching. When I read or watch I allow myself to becover - Ashe, THE EARL drawn entirely into another world. My willingness to suspend judgment is usually strong; if the storytelling is great, I’m uncritical of the story’s underpinnings (unless those underpinnings are sexist or racist, but that’s another post altogether). When I write, I allow myself to be drawn along too, but not by someone else’s vision of the world, rather by my own.

That world vision is inspired by values like justice, kindness, generosity, mercy, joy, and gratitude. I crave humor, mystery, and adventure in a romance, and hot chemistry is a must. But we all know that the heart of a beautiful love story isn’t shenanigans or sex. It’s courage. Compassion. Helping the lover to become a fully realized person. Giving of oneself for the sake of the beloved. And for the longest time I simply didn’t believe that was possible for a pairing of true opposites.

So for the first enemies-to-lovers romance I wrote, I relied on fantasy. Seizing the Freaky Friday model, I thrust my hero and heroine — nemeses from birth — into each other’s bodies and forced them to learn to understand each other, intimately.

Sexual chemistry, yes. Snappy banter, to be sure. Crazy fun with Regency-era gender norms, a total bonus. In writing that novel I did not abandon the characteristics of romance that I hold dear. But still it didn’t make me a convert to opposites-attract romances across the board. After all, in reality nobody gets to live in the enemy’s actual skin.

So I tried it again with another book. I had to. I mean, I really had to; I had a contractual deadline. For yearsmy lady my lord I’d been laying the groundwork for this book in earlier novels in the series. This would be the series finale, a love story between steadfast enemies. This romance had to happen, no matter the obstacles.

But this time it was a classic historical romance. No fantasy. No tricks. Just two very different people — two people entirely at odds with each other — learning how to love.

And then it happened. Right there in the writing of it. In living through it with my characters as I wrote, I finally discovered that enemies-to-lovers is not about circumstances or passion overcoming incompatible goals. It isn’t even about two people putting aside their differences in order to compromise. Rather, it’s about that ubiquitous essence of humanity that is not explainable by chromosomes or pheromones, quantifiable by wealth or beauty, or even defined by acts of sacrifice. It’s about laying down pride and fear. Opening oneself entirely to the other. Accepting pain yet privileging hope.

It’s about learning how to love. Real love. The kind of love our divided world needs. The kind of love that romance readers and writers strive for in both fantasy and real life every day.

Part of my writing process is falling in love with each couple I write. With this book I fell in love harder than I ever have before, because it’s the most honest story I have ever told. What’s more, now I’m eagerly reading and watching enemies-to-lovers romances, even those I’d disbelieved before, and loving them. The armor of doubt I’ve worn for years has crumbled. I’m a convert.

So bring it on Beatrice and Benedick. I’m ready and willing to fall.

Katharine Ashe recommends: 

J.T. Geissinger  –  jtgeissinger.com   (at Amazon)

Wicked Beautiful blew me away. Wonderful characters, a fabulous love story, and loads of satisfying feminist power.    (Read J.T. Geissinger’s moving 2014 post  – Love Saved Me – here.)

Jeannie Lin
    –    jeannielin.com      (at Amazon)

I recently reread  The Sword Dancer and loved it all over again. Li Feng is a woman of strength, courage, and independence. I adore her. And Han is one of my favorite heroes in all of romance.  (read Jeannie’s lovely 2014  post – Romance In The Everyday – here.)

Damon Suede
  –   DamonSuede.com     (at Amazon)

Hot Head is romance at its best: smart, hot, real, and fantastically moving. I read it in one sitting, then read it again immediately. (Read Damon’s fab 2016 post – The Sky’s The Limit – here.)

Questions for the Author:

Tell us about a moment in your life when you felt romance surrounding you.The Loch

 On a research trip for The Earl in Scotland I fell head over heels for the Central Highlands. The gentle mountains, the shimmering lakes, the hills blanketed with silvery-blue mists, even the rain and flash-waterfalls and flooded roads—it all sank me into emotional decadence. To me that’s romance: deep, delicious emotion arising from the senses and the spirit and the heart engaged in experience all at once. I felt it there so powerfully.

Tell us about someone special in your life (other than your partner) with whom you share romance.

 My sisters. From the time we were wee little girls making our dolls fall in love with each other, to later years when we waited up for each other to come home from dates so we could hear Every Little Detail, to now when we share novels and stories from our own romances, they (and my brother) are the loves of my life.

Do you have a place in the world or a sound that you equate with romance?

Place: The beach.

Sounds: Many… A piano ballad with a husky male voice. Throbbing, rhythmic, percussion-heavy Latin pop. Wind in the tops of evergreens on a Highland mountain. A soft-sexy whisper brushing a cheek …

Who is your (or a) favorite romantic couple?

Anne Elliot and Captain Frederick Wentworth of Jane Austen’s Persuasion. They fall in love at a young age, but even when separated and despite obstacles they never cease loving.

Tell us about your dream date. 

A walk on a white sand Atlantic Coast beach at low tide, deep summer or early fall, bare footed, and holding hands.


Katharine Ashe is generously giving away signed copies of the first three novels in my Falcon Club Series + I Loved a Rogue to one lucky US reader, and a signed copy of I Loved a Rogue to one international reader.

 To enter the giveaway, leave a comment below or on the *Facebook post you’ll find here (or both – Share the Love!) ;o) by 11:59 pm PST August 21, 2016.  ***International friends, be sure to include your country in your comment so we know to include you in the international drawing.  Good luck!

(*You don’t have to like the FB page, but we do recommend it. It’s easier to contact you if you win. Also consider joining the Read-A-Romance Book Club page, where we discuss romance of all kinds and will have drawings and events throughout the year.)

#LoveRomance  #HappyReading


Katharine Ashe author photo smallKATHARINE ASHE is the USA Today bestselling author of historical romances that reviewers call “intensely lush” and “sensationally intelligent.”  Her enemies-to-lovers novels are The Earl, now available to pre-order at all booksellers, and RITA® Award Finalist My Lady, My Lord.  Katharine’s new novella, The Scoundrel & I, is a prequel to The Earl and 99¢ for a limited time.


Learn more:

katharineashe.com     |     Facebook     |     Twitter


Buy Katharine Ashe’s books:

availableon-amazon        availableon-nook     availableon-kobo

*Please note that the Amazon button, most cover images and many text links connect to a Read-A-Romance Month affiliate portal. Thanks so much for your help & support!

  • “It’s about that ubiquitous essence of humanity that is not explainable by chromosomes or pheromones, quantifiable by wealth or beauty, or even defined by acts of sacrifice. It’s about laying down pride and fear. Opening oneself entirely to the other. Accepting pain yet privileging hope. It’s about learning how to love.” Beautiful words and great post! I have discovered your works this year and I love them, especially “Kisses, she wrote”. And The Twist series is so funny! Thank you for your words and your work!

  • Debbie Fuller

    Great post, enjoyed reading.

  • Anna

    Yay Persuasion!! I love finding so many authors who share my affection for Anne & Wentworth’s love story.

    And I also have a hard time with the enemies-to-lovers trope, but maybe I just haven’t read the right one yet. 😉

  • Jami

    Wow this was a great read. I have never really thought of it that way. The characters and story usually draw me in so much that I don’t question the circumstances. Although some circumstances do create more feelings than others! Definitely an insight!

  • Sue G.

    I love walking on the beach…especially at night….it’s so calming.

  • Nova Manske Conover

    loved reading this. and i especially enjoyed the Questions for the Author section.

  • Linda Henderson

    I’ve always enjoyed enemies to lovers storylines, there is a lot you can do with them. I’ve never walked on the beach, I would love to though.

  • Teresa4

    I love stories that put’s society rules aside and really get to know each other. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but I do believe different classes and people who generally don’t get along can fall in love. It is all about putting that pride and self righteousness aside and accepting the person for whom they are. That’s why I love shows like the ones where the CEO’s go undercover and work as one of us everyday working people. They actually get to see and feel how we do. I think the CEO’s come out with a new perspective.
    When I read My Lady My Love I absolutely fell in love with the concept of them switching. In the end they respected each other’s life and what it meant to live as each other sexes.
    Great interview and great synopsis on how you came about writing these books

  • Molly

    I have always loved enemies to lovers storyline it just makes a really good story.

  • Karen

    Enjoyed this one!

  • Sharlene Wegner

    My Lady, My Lord has one of the most striking covers I have seen on a romance novel. Love it! Thank you so much for your beautiful post about your thought process on enemies to lovers!

  • Bube

    I love enemies to lovers 😀

  • Eileen Aberman Wells

    Thank you for your post. Enemies to lovers makes for an interesting read. I love the water and all it does to calm me.


    Thanks for the post – I enjoyed your thoughts.

  • May

    I didn’t enjoy Persuasion until I re-read it when I got older. I thought that Anne and were Captain Wentworth were kind of boring when I first read it as a teenager. I think that I appreciate the maturity of their love when they met again as older adults…

    • Ada H

      Hi May, this is Ada and I’m helping with the RARM drawings. You have been chosen as Katharine Ashe’s winner. Please send a message with your email and mailing address to me at ada@readaromancemonth.com and we’ll put Katharine in touch with you. Thanks and Congrats!

  • Gaby Ruiz

    I love Persuasion so much. Great post 🙂
    (Ecuador – Int)

  • Pamby50

    Love the thought process of writing for enemies to lovers. So glad you finally came over to the other side. New author and looking forward to reading your books.

  • Melissa Williams Herrin

    Oh my I just love your books!!! They have transported me to another time/world. Reading historical romances books is my little escape. Thank you for your wonderful books and the giveaway

  • Ann Mettert

    I love your books. I enjoyed this post.

  • Diane Sallans

    It must have been such fun to travel to Scotland for research!

  • Ellen

    Walking on the beach is one of my favorite dates, too. Thanks for sharing.

  • Karen

    I’m glad you are a convert to the enemies to lovers trope. When done well they can be such great reads. I find these couples often fall the hardest when they find happiness. I suppose a love hard fought is appreciated all the more.

  • Kareni

    What a fun post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the enemy to lovers trope and about your own books.

  • Janie McGaugh

    Enemies to lovers is one of my favorite tropes, so I’m happy you’ve become a convert!